Doing Things Alone: The Blessings and Challenges of Embracing Solitude
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In a world that often glorifies independence and self-sufficiency, the journey of doing things alone is often portrayed as a mark of strength and capability. However, amidst the solitude and self-reliance lies a profound dichotomy—a struggle intertwined with blessings.
As someone who has navigated the terrain of solitude, I've come to realize the delicate balance between independence and interdependence. While solitude has equipped me with resilience and self-assurance, it has also shed light on the irreplaceable value of shared moments and the importance of opening oneself up to others.
In this reflective exploration, I delve into the struggles and blessings of doing things alone, acknowledging the growth it fosters while recognizing the profound beauty of human connection. FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) has led me to take action with my life a little bit differently than one may expect.
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The Struggle: The Weight of Solitude
Embarking on the journey of doing things alone often begins with a sense of empowerment but also fear of the unknown. There's a certain thrill, but uncertainty, in relying solely on oneself, pushing boundaries, and conquering challenges independently. However, as the journey progresses, the weight of solitude can become palpable.
I truly believe there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Just because I’m alone or doing any activity alone doesn’t mean that I am lonely. More often than not, I’m not. I’m usually having THE MOST enjoyable time because of the thrill it gives me from feeling so capable! Also, I snowboard now, so I ride alone a lot, and when I’m speeding down, pushing myself, seeing the growth and progress I have made, the adrenaline rush surges through me and with each new run it really makes me feel alive!
But it’s when shit hits the fan, that’s when I feel the weight of solitude. That isn’t to say I’m incapable of handling it. And trust me, snowboarding alone, has made me realize shit will hit the fan and that I am TRULY capable of anything! It’s just in those moments I wish I had more support and others to lean on. But it doesn’t take away from my capability or a woman’s capability of riding alone on mountain slopes.
I am, and will always, promote grabbing life by the horns and going after what it is that you want alone. BUT you should know what you’re getting yourself into as well. Behind curated & created content is reality. And it’s time we face it.
Self-Reliance vs. Isolation
At the heart of doing things alone lies the paradox of self-reliance and isolation. While autonomy breeds confidence and resilience, prolonged isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and detachment. The relentless pursuit of self-sufficiency may inadvertently distance us from the warmth of human connection, leaving us yearning for companionship amidst our victories or hardships.
When you’re just starting out on this journey, it’s normal to want to run back into your comfort zone. “I can’t do this!” But you can. And it gets better, and eventually, after some time, you’re not feeling those feelings anymore. This new unknown expands your comfort zone and makes it more familiar.
It’s only when you’ve been doing it for so long that you start to realize you’re too comfortable being alone and are too hard on others to foster your friendships and new relationships. But we have to remember, people aren’t clones. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, the grass is greener where we water it. So if you’re giving yourself grace, remember to give others some grace too from time to time. You’re going to want people in your corner one day, so don’t push them away.
The Burden of Responsibility
With independence comes the burden of responsibility. Every decision, triumph, and setback rests squarely on our shoulders. While this autonomy empowers us to carve our own path, it can also be overwhelming because we have to stay on top of everything ourselves. We don’t just need a plan, we need a plan b, c, d, and maybe the rest of the alphabet. We need to know how to handle just about anything life or people could throw our way!
I spend a lot of time researching certain situations. Joining groups to understand wilderness survival, spending money on equipment that’s important to have. We can never really fully prepare ourselves for everything, but we can have an idea of how to handle just about any situation.
For a long time, I didn’t know any form of martial arts or self-defense, but now I know a thing or two. Take up a boxing class in your neighborhood, some gyms even have self-defense classes now! Just knowing you have vast knowledge in multiple aspects or situations that could arise helps with the burden of responsibility when you’re lacking the safety net of support.
Navigating Uncertainty Alone
The journey of doing things alone often traverses uncharted territories fraught with uncertainty. Whether embarking on a new career path or pursuing a personal passion, the absence of companionship can magnify many fears and heighten the sense of vulnerability. In the absence of a confidant to share our struggles and concerns, self-doubt can loom large, casting shadows on our endeavors.
But it’s not all bad!
The Blessing: Empowerment and Self-Discovery
Amidst the struggles of solitude lie profound blessings—nurturing seeds of empowerment, resilience, and self-discovery. While the journey may be fraught with challenges, it serves as a crucible for personal growth and transformation.
With each new adventure, event, or anything you do in the midst and pursuit of romanticizing your life and focusing on yourself, you will feel yourself becoming more resilient against the opinions and weird stares of others. Trust me, I still have eyes, I just don’t pay attention to people anymore. Nor do I care to.
If you want this, start small! That’s what I did. I didn’t just become okay with this thing overnight. Are you capable of running errands by yourself? Yes. GREAT! You’ve already started!
Now you can start adding to your list by taking yourself out for a shopping spree alone and really tapping into what does look good on you. Then you can take yourself out to the movies, and once you’ve done that enough, take yourself out to eat. I know that’s a big threshold to cross, but once you cross it and do it over and over again without feeling anything you start to add more to your artillery. Go to an event, have a solo museum date, go hiking alone, take up a new passion or hobby. You can jump into the deep end or you can take it one step at a time. The journey of solitude is a personal journey, and you should do it in a way that feels right to you. Then take it one step further, and chat up someone new, compliment someone that you notice, and do it so often that you get happy from the good vibes.
The world is your oyster, truly! And it IS so rewarding to go after these feelings and do all this stuff alone while surrounded by strangers and their perceptions.
Cultivating Self-Reliance
Doing things alone fosters a profound sense of self-reliance and independence. Through navigating challenges solo, we unearth reservoirs of inner strength and resourcefulness we never knew existed. Each obstacle surmounted becomes a testament to our resilience, empowering us to weather life's storms with unwavering resolve.
You end up building grit like no other person out there.
But of course, if you’re a female doing this, be sure to practice safety. Don’t say you're alone, wear an engagement or wedding ring, even if it’s a fake one. If you have a bad gut feeling, don’t cast it off, just leave. Always say things like people are waiting for you.
There aren't many instances I had issues like this, but I’ve had a few, less than 5 if we’re being honest. There is more good in the world than bad, all media, including the news, is created & curated to get a rise out of emotions. Not everyone is out there to get you. A lot of people actually have things to do and are focused on themselves also, but there are creepers out there! And getting yourself out of these situations is definitely scary, but the self-reliance and strength it cultivates is amazing.
Embracing Authenticity
Solitude offers an invaluable opportunity for self-reflection and introspection. In the absence of external influences, we're granted the space to explore our innermost thoughts, desires, and aspirations. Freed from the constraints of societal expectations, we can authentically align our actions with our true selves, forging a path imbued with purpose and meaning.
You truly get to know yourself when you’re out there alone. If you’ve ever wondered what your purpose in life is, a journey of solitude helps you get one step closer to understanding what it is or what it could be. I’m not saying it definitely will, a lot of it comes with trial and error. But you definitely discover more of what you love, what comes naturally to you, what things you have to work more towards, and how anxiety screams and intuition whispers.
The Joy of Self-Discovery
Engaging in solitary pursuits unveils a treasure trove of self-discovery. Whether immersing ourselves in creative endeavors, embarking on solo adventures, or delving into personal passions, we unearth facets of our identity waiting to be unearthed. In the quietude of solitude, we find solace in our own company, embracing our quirks, flaws, and strengths with unconditional acceptance.
This is a great time to pick up an introverted hobby like journaling if you’ve ever wanted to do so! Or what’s that one thing you wanted to when you were a child but your parents said, “No.” This is your time to do it! For me, it was snowboarding. Yes, I’m in a community, sometimes, but most of the time I ride alone and it makes me realize facets of myself that I didn’t know the day before.
Most of the time when I’m embarking on solo adventures, I talk to people. During this activity though, I get to truly be alone, and not talk to a single soul if I wish to. Don’t get me wrong I’m both extroverted and introverted, I just have my moments. And it feels amazing! I have music playing in one ear, and I can just do what feels right for me. I can start and end the day when I find it best to. I can do anything I put my mind to, as cheesy and cliche as that sounds, it’s true! And with each new pursuit, I always learn or discover something new. So of course I do promote this life because I want others to experience the same amount of sheer joy as I do!
Finding Balance: Embracing Interdependence
While solitude bestows invaluable gifts of empowerment and self-discovery, its true essence lies in the realization that moments are meant to be shared. As I've traversed the terrain of solitude, I've come to understand that while I'm capable of anything alone, the richness of life is magnified in the company of people who matter to me.
Opening Oneself to Vulnerability
True connection flourishes in moments of vulnerability. By opening ourselves up to others, whether people we know or letting new people in, we invite intimacy and connection into our lives, fostering bonds that transcend superficiality. Embracing vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness but rather a testament to our courage to forge authentic connections built on trust and empathy.
It’s not easy to open yourself up in such a profound way. Brene Brown once said,
“Vulnerability is the most accurate way to measure courage.”
Staying Soft in a Hard World
In a world that often prizes strength and resilience, it's easy to succumb to stoicism. However, true strength lies in staying soft amidst life's adversities, but also, staying soft when someone treats us wrongly. It doesn’t make us naive or foolish, but rather, it makes us rare. The rest of the world is already closed off, if not already getting there.
We’re not always the victim, and no matter what happens in my life I always assess my role in any given situation. There will be people I will never forgive and walk away from, and there will be people I admit I was wrong to. But it takes softness to have even an ounce of reflection, and it takes that same softness to do the work necessary.
And by embracing our vulnerability and compassion, we cultivate a resilience that transcends adversity, anchoring us in the warmth of human connection.
Learning to Lean on Others
While autonomy is a cherished asset, it's essential to recognize that we don't have to navigate life's journey alone. Learning to lean on others or asking for help has been one of the most challenging aspects of my life in 2023. And yet, the only way I was going to learn to snowboard is by fostering my relationship with other snowboarders. Asking for help, but also being there in other ways that I can be of assistance to them or give back something of equal value in return.
It is incredibly hard to make new friendships in adulthood. It’s become easier thanks to social media, for sure, but when you meet people in-person you tend to notice there’s still a gap between you and them that can only be bridged with time. You can’t rush it. Social media has truly made us think that if it’s not rushed or we’re instantly getting things, then there’s no way it’s going to happen. But that’s entirely false! Good things take time. There is no doubt that I have hit it off with some people, but it took time to nurture the relationships to greater heights of trusting that is beneficial for all of us.
Fostering a sense of belonging, whether with one person or within communities, helps sustain us through life's trials and triumphs afterall.
We start venturing off on our own, alone, not because we want to at first. But because we have to.
It's because we MUST. People are either too busy, don't want the same things as us, cancel for one reason or another, or we are new to something entirely.
I mean I always adventured since I was 2. But when I truly started this journey, it came with a lot of opposition and stares that made me cry after. But the more I kept doing it, the more I felt nothing because those same people who were too busy or canceling were now the same people saying, "I wish I was more like you." So it became a sense of empowerment.
And I keep doing things alone partly because I want to, partly because I'm comfortable, and partly because I'm tired of waiting on others for what I want to do. I didn't wait at 14, so I'm not going to start now at 32. But I would jump at the chance to do things with people because life is meant to be shared.
All in all,
As I reflect on my own journey, I'm reminded of the delicate balance between independence and interdependence—a balance that enriches our lives and deepens our connections with others. While I'm grateful for the resilience and strength solitude has bestowed upon me, I'm equally thankful for the profound beauty of human connection—a beauty that reminds me that while I'm capable of anything alone, what’s the point of life if you don’t have someone to share it with?
And yet, there is nothing stronger than the relationship I have with myself. I love my man, I love my very healthy green lawn relationship, but I will always love ME more. I couldn’t have found this person for me and my future if I didn’t put in the work to date myself. To spend time in solitude. I focused a few years on how my life felt instead of how it looked, and now everything I have and will have reflects back on this key relationship I have with me, myself, and I. I got to spend over 5 chosen years being single and focusing on my relationship with ME. It was a struggle. It is a struggle, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. It is truly a blessing, and for it I'm truly grateful for that time. Because now I get to be my best self not just for me, but also, my business, my brand, my friendships, my man, and to those who also deserve my high vibrations.
If you have any questions or comments, leave them down below & I’ll reply to them at my earliest convenience!
Till next time!
~Diana
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